**Content Editor: Lauren R.E. Larkin**
In my last post, I critically analyzed the recent public statements by Tullian Tchividjian. I also noted the ways in which Tchividjian uses abusive speech patterns to silence the voices of his critics and subtly shift the narrative, depicting himself as the “good guy” being unjustly victimized. I then dissected all the reasons these claims are utterly false, and why they are indicative of the fact that his is a serial pastoral predator.
I also outlined the depth of Tullian’s lies in a post I penned in March, 2016. In this post I dissected several public statements Tullian had made at the time, and placed them side by side with well-known public accounts of his dishonest, deceitful, and abusive actions.
Today, I want to take a moment to consider some specific statements Tullian has made in light of new information and accusations that have been made known to me.
Evangelicalism
Before I begin, I want to highlight a disturbing reality. Even after everything Tullian Tchividjian has done, after all the lies he has told, after the people he has destroyed and betrayed, he continues to have a platform.
This is because Tullian Tchividjian has preyed upon the brokenness and discontent within Evangelical Christianity to garner a place of privilege and influence for himself. Even as I read his interview with Religious News Services, I was struck by the ways in which he intentionally worked on the guilt and shame of his audience, pointing out specks in hopes of distracting from his own plank.
And what is most disturbing is that the Evangelical church is so deeply entrenched in patriarchal systems that these lies actually work. This is because, Tullian Tchividjian is a product of Evangelical patriarchy.
The grandson of prominent evangelical evangelist Billy Graham, he made a name for himself as a blogger and an author with The Gospel Coalition, perhaps the biggest and most influential purveyor of Evangelical patriarchy in the world. Even after leaving TGC in 2014, he remained an influential pastor in the PCA, the evangelical wing of the Presbyterian Church which currently opposes women’s ordination.
Evangelicalism has become an industrial complex, fueled on the broken bodies and wounded spirits of abuse victims, driven entirely by their abusers. This complex has time and again produced abusive pastors. Men like CJ Mahaney, Matt Chandler, Mark Driscoll, Darin Patrick, RC Sproul, Jr., and Doug Wilson have come to exercise considerable influence precisely because Evangelicalism holds its pastors above reproach, because it is predicated on a system of sin-leveling designed to make the persons in the pews entirely to guilt ridden to ever ask questions.
It is for this reason that, on October 31, 2016, barely a month after Tullian delivered his interview to RNS, after he claimed he had no specific or formal plans to return to the public stage, and after he insisted that he still has a calling to teach the Gospel, Tullian Tchividjian epreached a message at Spring Hills Community Church in Santa Rosa, California – a church whose doctrinal statement is straight out of the Evangelical playbook.
In the end, Evangelicalism created Tullian Tchividjian, empowered him to be a serial predator, then groomed his victims to accept his manipulations.
Some Hypocritical Words
On November 11, 2016, Tullian tweeted the following:
On November 12, he tweeted this:
As I read these tweets, I was struck by a disgusting irony. As the following narrative will shows, when Tullian Tchividjian came in contact with a person who was broken and hurting, he manipulated, used, and spiritually and emotionally abused her.
Further, despite the fact that Tullian claims we should not hide the darkest parts of our stories, there is quite a bit of his “darkness” he has worked diligently to keep from the public eye.
I would like to introduce my readers to Lisa.
A Brief Disclaimer
Because of the nature of the narrative below, the woman in question has chosen to remain anonymous. I respect that decision, and her decision not to use her real name has absolutely no bearing on her credibility. Her story has been careful vetted through multiple sources, and it is my position that she ought to be believed and afforded to care deserved by every victim of abuse. Further, through talking both to “Lisa” and to other sources, I have every reason to believe that the experience she claims to have had hints at a larger trend of predatory behavior practiced by Tullian Tchividjian.
For this reason, any derogatory or negative comments will be deleted. If a reader wishes to express concern or contend the details of this post, they are advised to email me at the address provided on my “About” page.
Lisa
At the time when Lisa first came into contact with Tullian Tchividjian, she was in the midst of a great deal of personal turmoil. She had grown up deep within the heart of fundamentalism. For many years she attended a church that adhered to the teachings of a well-known celebrity pastor. Over time, she realized that the rules and regulations imposed upon her by the pastors and leaders of her church left her feeling unloved, unvalued, and disenfranchised by the church and its leaders. She had become acutely aware that the system of belief in which she was raised was, on all counts, tantamount to spiritual abuse.
As a result, she was desperately searching for a more genuine and authentic expression of the Christian faith that was not built on the “holier than thou” legalist power politics of her fundamentalist upbringing. This desire was further complicated by the fact that, having since moved into the realm of conservative evangelicalism, she was also recently removed from a situation in which a friend, who was also a pastor, had abused her emotionally and spiritually. He used his position of trust and privilege to coerce her into emotional vulnerability, with the clear and aggressive intent of manipulating her into pastoral sexual abuse.
While his intent was never realized, nevertheless her marriage was in shambles. She was desperately trying to re-earn her husband’s trust and repair the damage done by this pastor’s manipulations.
This backdrop set the stage for Tullian Tchividjian to groom her for further abuse.
Meeting Tullian
Lisa was first contacted by Tchividjian in the late Spring/early Summer of 2015, during the time shortly after he was officially fired from his position at Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church. At this time, he had been advancing his false narrative that his wife had betrayed him, and that his own affair had subsequently occurred out of the vulnerability of grief and confusion. And, like so many people, Lisa believed this narrative whole-heartedly.
She had been a fan of Tchividjian’s message for a while, and had found his message of grace in the midst of profound brokenness to speak so deeply into her own life. Tchividjian was known for encouraging his audience to be honest with themselves and about their own brokenness, and to recognize that God loved them not for some perfection they had achieved or had to achieve, but because that is who God is: God loves the unlovely. This message gave Lisa a source of hope in the midst of so much pain, confusion, and the overwhelming guilt that the abuse she had suffered was somehow her fault.
Because of this, when she saw the way that Tchividjian’s critics were addressing him on Twitter, she chose to do what she believed to be the right thing: boldly declare her support for Tchividjian in the midst of what she believed to be a “personal tragedy” and thanked him for the profound impact his message had had on her life.
Lisa was amazed when Tullian immediately reached out to her via direct message. He thanked her for her support, and offered to talk to her if she ever needed anything. He gave her his personal cell phone number and told her to call anytime.
While she admits that she felt weird about the speed with which Tchividjian seemed to swoop in, she dismissed her concerns. She and Tchividjian shared mutual friends, and she had even briefly met him once before, at the Liberate 2015 conference after-party just a few months prior.[1] She believed Tullian to be genuine, and provided him her phone number in return.
She was again struck by surprise when he immediately began text messaging her.
Red Flags
One of the things Lisa noticed as her conversations with Tullian began, was that he seemed to have already researched her. He knew who she was through their mutual friends, and had already known that her marriage was struggling. During one of their conversations he even stated, “I already know your story, and now you know mine.”
She was put off by this a bit, and often thought his patterns of communication resembled her previous pastoral abuser. But he had a way of disarming her concerns, and she dismissed it as “hypervigilance.”
When I asked her why this was, she explained that no pastor had ever actually cared about her before. If she was having marital problems, her old pastors would have immediately blamed her and told her to submit more. Her opinion was not valued, and she regularly felt dismissed and disrespected by persons in leadership.
Tullian, however, made her feel understood and heard. Despite her lack of formal training, he wanted to talk theology and encouraged her to explore her beliefs more. Also, she felt a sense of solidarity. Tullian would often talk about how he didn’t know if he would ever reconcile with his wife, he didn’t know if she even still loved him. He spun a narrative of solidarity, using Lisa’s loneliness to make it seem he was just like her – she felt like the two of them were on a level playing field, that they were friends, that he cared about her. Tullian often talked about the importance of being the kind of person someone could run to in failure and at this time, Lisa felt like a complete failure.
Despite noting that he was defrocked, he explicitly offered her personal pastoral care.
He insisted she call him if she needed anything at any time. Tullian often confided in her about how depressed he was feeling and seemed open and honest about his failings and insecurities. He was not perfect, but she believed him to be largely the victim of circumstances beyond his control. This led her to open up about her own past with abusive pastors and religious leaders.
Even in the midst of all of this, there was sometimes an uneasy tension. Sometimes Tullian would text her, and his words seemed like a sexual advance. She would quickly redirect him, relying on skills she had learned within fundamentalism and deflecting with a joke. When Tullian noticed her uneasiness, he would subtly shift his words to convince her she had simply misunderstood what he meant. Also, he would use her past experiences to convince her she was being overly sensitive and misperceiving his intent, convincing her to distrust her own instincts and lower her defenses.
On one occasion, he was a bit bolder. In a text message, he explicitly told her that he had been dreaming about her, and he told her it had been a “good” dream.
As the conversation continued, it became increasingly clear he wanted her to know the dream had been sexual.
She tried to deflect by joking “Hope I was just selling you some good drugs” and he replied “Something like that ;).”
A couple of times, he sent her selfies of himself working out. He regularly commented on her looks.
At one point, he even sent her a link to a clothing line, telling her that she should dress in that brand of clothing because it would look really good on her. He told her that every time he saw that brand, he would think of her.
In spite of all these things, he continued to use the abuses she had suffered to condition her to trust him. He engaged her in theological conversations, which helped her flourish in her faith in a number of ways. Because he listened to her, it made her feel empowered and respected. As such, she routinely dismissed her concerns and allowed him to convince her these were innocent comments.
Controlling Behavior
Tullian often used Lisa to control the narrative of the controversies which swirled around him. When Julie Anne of Spiritual Sounding Board (whom Tullian called “the sheep lady,” a reference to her Twitter handle) began to question Tullian’s account of events and hint that he was a serial pastoral predator, Tullian would convince Lisa to attack her. He would tell her exactly what to say, and insisted that he needed her to defend him because he needed to keep himself above the fray.[2]
He went as far as to get Lisa to target his brother, Boz. He told Lisa that Boz was a liar, that he had no idea what was actually going on it Tullian’s life, and that he was simply carrying out a vendetta against him. He told Lisa to call his brother a “douche” and told her “pray that he dies.” When she refused to do either and took exception to the latter comment, he insisted he was “just joking.”
He also went to great lengths to restrict any interactions Lisa might have with his ex-wife Kim by telling her lies about Kim. He repeatedly told her that Kim was cold, manipulative, and vindictive. He insisted Kim was out to ruin him for telling the truth about her affairs. He even warned Lisa to be careful who she interacted with because Kim had people who spied on him for her.
Tullian did everything in his power to limit the people Lisa spoke with about him; he wanted to ensure that she did not seek out information beyond the narrative he told her. He intentionally convinced her of lies, then risked her public image and relationship by manipulating her into fiercely defending him against persons who were presenting the truth.
Lisa was convinced they were friends. However, Tchividjian’s goal was not to care for her like a friend, but to manipulate her into being a puppet to prop up his own ego.
Emotional Neglect
Tullian was especially interested in talking to Lisa when she was struggling with her relationship with her husband. If he asked her how things were going, and she gave a positive answer about progress in their relationship, he would either cut off the conversation or try to convince her that she was being too optimistic. Once he went so far as to tell her she was deceiving herself about the progress in her marriage, that there is often a calm before a storm, and that her optimism was entirely misplaced.
In contrast, Lisa was expected to be at Tullian’s every emotional beck and call. When he was happy, she was expected to celebrate with him. When he told her he had been depressed or that his feelings were hurt by critique and criticism, she was expected to be there to offer encouragement and prayer.
She also saw how he was using others, both men and women, in this same way. In one conversation, he would seem to be doing well financially, then he would send out a group text—including Lisa—asking people for money. He even once sent out a group text asking people for ideas on how to raise money as he considered relaunching the Liberate conference from his newly acquired position at Willow Creek Church, of the PCA. Participants in the group text offered a myriad of ideas of how Tullian could raise money. One person offered to help him flip-houses to make some cash, and other chimed in that they would help. When Lisa and some others offered to assist, too, with an emphasis on comradery and community, Tullian replied in clear terms: “I’m in it for the money, and the money alone.”
It was after this that Tullian asked Lisa privately to be his official fundraiser for Liberate. He needed 30k to launch the new website and instructed Lisa to “get him 12k by next week”. When Lisa insisted that she didn’t have any idea how to do that, he told her that “6k would work”. When she pushed back again, insisting that she didn’t know anyone with that kind of cashflow he told her to “ask 12 people for $500 each, or rob a bank. I don’t care how you come up with the money, just do it.” Lisa suggested to Tullian that there were a couple of people skilled in building websites that she knew personally who could help him and avoid the upfront cost. He responded with, “we want only the best” and then cut off the conversation.
Towards the end of their friendship, in the weeks leading up to Tullian’s second pastoral sex abuse scandal in March, 2016, Lisa began to distrust him. In light of this distrust, Lisa confronted Tullian about his lies. Instead of confessing and telling the truth, he doubled down on his deceptions and attempts to convince her that she shouldn’t believe what other people were telling her.
Even after the news broke, Tullian tried to lie to her. He tried to convince her that the whole thing was being blown out of proportion, that he had done nothing wrong. Lisa was devastated by his lies. She asked him to tell her the truth and asked why he deceived her. But Tullian offered only half-hearted apologies followed by further attempts to manipulate and control her.
Broken from the depths of his lies and realizing he was an abuser and not a friend, Lisa and her husband discussed the situation and decided it was best for her to no longer speak to Tullian.
One is forced to wonder, how does Tullian justify his treatment of Lisa with the words from his tweets above?
Other Women
This was hardly an isolated incident, Lisa was personally aware of at least 10 other women with whom Tchividjian had a similar dynamic.[3] Like Lisa, several of them were fed lies and disinformation, then manipulated into using Tullian’s carefully crafted words to carry out coordinated attacks against his critics via social media.
The most interesting of these stories occurred in the Summer of 2015. A woman by the name of Stacie contacted Lisa and told her she was a friend of Tullian’s, and also lived in the same town as Lisa. She strongly pursued a friendship with Lisa, and regularly insisted the two of them should get together. After Lisa asked Tullian about Stacie, and he confirmed that she was “a cool chick,” Lisa exchanged numbers with her. They began talking regularly and exchanged text messages frequently. They even went so far as to make plans to get together. However, Lisa was stood up each time by Stacie. In one text exchange, Stacie told Lisa that she was going to be in town, so they should get together. Lisa was appropriately confused and said, “I thought you live in my town…” Lisa soon learned that Stacie had moved to Orlando for her job.
Orlando, of course, is where Tullian was living at the time. Lisa would later learn the two had begun dating during this time. Tullian and Stacie married in late August, 2016.
This is especially curious, because Stacie’s relationship with Tullian began in similar fashion to all the other women he targeted. In fact, he and Stacie had been exchanging messages during the time Tullian claimed to be attempting to reconcile with his wife, Kim in the Summer of 2015, after his own sexual misconduct became public.
Conclusion
Like so many others, Lisa was groomed by her church to ignore the emotional and spiritual abuse of a pastor because of his position of privilege and power. And, as is so often the case, she was left humiliated and devastated, while Tullian began the work of rebuilding his platform. Now, a mere six months later, he is preaching again while she continues to cope with the pains of betrayal which continue to resurface as she sees so many around her embracing his return.
And like so many other celebrity pastors before him, Tullian Tchividjian has time and again revealed himself to be a serial pastoral predator. Despite this, churches, blogs, and Christian news outlets continue to place him on a pedestal, amplifying Tullian’s message to their respective audiences. The white male oligarch is uplifted and praised, even at the expense of his many victims.
This disturbing trend can be seen clearly in his interview with Jonathan Merritt. As he answered Merritt’s questions regarding his many abuses, Tullian Tchividjian portrayed his actions not as the acts of a serial predator, but as “God ruining his plans.” Yet, as I retell Lisa’s story, I struggle to find God in Tullian’s actions.
He attempted to paint these events as ‘trials” he has had to endure, but the reality is they are abuses, manipulations, and injustices that he perpetrated under the guise of “pastoral care.”
Tullian even had the audacity to claim that the true devastation of his sins was the loss of his own platform and privilege.
I know of a few people who would disagree.
[1] Sources confirm that Lisa was, in fact, at this event. Further, one source noted that Tullian seemed to be watching Lisa all night. At one point, Lisa was dancing with a group of friends and Tullian was sitting nearby. The source described the look on his face as “leering” and said that, knowing what they now know about Tullian’s predatory nature, even thinking about the look he had on his face is “haunting.”
[2] Speaking with several other sources, I talked to several people who could corroborate this information. One source, even confirmed that they knew of multiple persons – men and women – whom Tullian regularly used to fight battles for him online.
[3] In speaking with other sources, I have been able to confirm these numbers are most certainly not an exaggeration.
Sparking Conversation 
I’m specifically interest in this comment, “One source, even confirmed that they knew of multiple persons – men and women – whom Tullian regularly used to fight battles for him online.” Is cyber stalking (https://www.ipredator.co/cyberstalking/) and/or cyber bullying (https://www.ipredator.co/cyber-bullying/) involved? If so, these are criminal offenses and must be reported to the FBI Internet Crime division (https://www.ic3.gov) ASAP!
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I wouldn’t say it would qualify under those.
Basically, he didn’t want to “get his hands dirty.” He would follow people looking to expose his abuses, then use his “friends” to spread his carefully crafted lies and disinformation.
Occasionally, he would have them directly attack online, but at best it would qualify as trolling.
Thank you for providing those links though. It is important that people understand the severity of these things and report it.
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It is true that he still has many defenders: I recently put a critical post on the Confessional Lutheran FB page when TT blogged about being depressed and suicidal (a precursor for an upcoming book, I assume). After a few days, and many comments, my post was taken down on the grounds that it was ad hominem, and that my criticism of TT’s ‘depression’ blog was upsetting fellow Lutherans who suffer from clinical depression. My post was mocking of TT, unfortunately (making fun of the designer cropped beard, open collar shirts, stone washed jeans), and I’m sorry for that. But I was astounded to find so many people jumping to his defense and denouncing me for identifying him as a narcissist. He is clearly a sociopathic narcissist. Such people must, must, must be exposed for the Church’s good. It is loving, not gossipy, to do so. In fact, it is a violation of the 8th commandment not to speak the truth about serial predators. Shame on any Christian leader who continues to make excuses for this severely personality-disordered guy. The proper response of Christians to people like TT (who claim to be penitent) is, “You’re forgiven. Completely forgiven. Okay? Now stop it. Just stop already. For the love of God, stop. Find a new career and don’t try to sell me another book about how God turned your murky river water into refreshing iced tea.” Blogging, public speaking, podcasting, small group leading, parachurches, website launches, book writing, etc. are all backdoor ways around being defrocked. Great report, Nate, and love to all who have fallen under TT’s abusive spell. P.S., the best and only effective response to a narcissist is T.E.D.–‘total emotional detachment.’ Go your merry way and do not engage on any level. It’s quite liberating. 🙂
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Been there done that, even as a Lutheran who wants more Lutheran theology, and is sick of the watering down of Lutheranism with seeker sensitive claptrap, I left all those Lutheran groups because of that. It’s sickening.
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You know what gets me is that these people basically tell us to deal with our OWN sin when we are being sinned against because our own sin is more crucial to us. As it was mentioned in the stories being told, this allows an abuser to get away with just about everything, because the victim is told that his/her sin is more of a problem than anything being done to them.
It’s a totally fallacious argument that we can’t deal with gross sins against us just because we are sinners too.
And yet, Tullian has no problem whining and complaining about perceived sins being done to him by his critics in the wake of his quite deliberate nuking of his family and church.
Classic “straining at gnats and swallowing camels” stuff going on there.
It totally negates the fact that the Christian victim’s sin is forgiven in Christ, too, so why is that person automatically told to worry about their own sin? Why is their own sin a bigger problem for them if their sin is covered?
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Wow, this post and the comments have really opened my eyes. I attended CRPC for a while during the Tullian years, before I had to move away, and simply had no idea about the extent of this. I even bought the “his wife had an affair first, he was grieving and sought ‘comfort’ in a close friend” line. How naive of me. I am rarely wrong about people and caught off guard like this. Very sad indeed. A question to OP and the commenters: do you think that “GerhardFordeaneske” radical grace theology is a natural breeding ground for this sort of thing? The downplaying of the law, sin, discipleship and responsibility? What is the relation between these behaviors and this particular theological line of thought (espoused by others who have similarly been caught in adultery)?
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To answer the question briefly, I am not particularly familiar with “Gerhard-Fordeaneske” but I do think, in general, that so-called “radical grace” theology tends to result in a sin-leveling theology which favors persons of power and gives them avenues to abuse the privileges and authority with which the church has vested them.
If you follow the EzerUncaged podcast, I did an interview for them going through some of Tullian’s theology, and specifically a recent sermon, highlighting red flags.
That should be released soon, so keep your eyes out.
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definitely I would look into the Gerhard Forde radical Lutheranism/radical grace garbage. He does have a powerful way of looking at SOME things, but sanctification isn’t one of them. Lutherans especially get caught up in promoting Forde way too much.
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Sadly, it is the same story repeated by another egocentric abuser. They use their position to once again to gain sympathy, support and glory from their “mistake'” while the ones they hurt are further alienated and destroyed by his supporters/fans. If the blinders were removed, and the veil lifted, his deceived follower’s sympathy could be swept away. Perhaps his victims would actually receive the support and healing they so urgently need and deserve.
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Thank you for sharing, Anon. It’s not easy speaking out against abusive leaders for the very reasons you stated. The church, most always, supports the abuser, leaving the ones damaged alone in their confusion and pain. There are thousands of victims of clergy abuse, with similar stories. It seems these predators were cut from the same mold. Basically, they are narcissistic in personality hence the need to have someone boost their ego as you mentioned.
If you’re interested, there are many survivor stories found at http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com/survivors.php
There is hope and I pray you find support and healing. God is more than able and willing to do so.
Blessings to you!
MJ
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Anon,
My email address is available on my about page. If you would like me to put you in touch with Lisa, I would be happy to do so.
Thank you for speaking up.
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Mmm, this “pastor is a pervert, alright. He has the hormones of a 17-year-old, the skills of a 50-year-old pervert, the vanity of a 23-year-old, and the mentality of a 2-year-old.
Let him be gone. For good.
Thanks for this article; it can only help get rid of the likes of this pervert.
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One thing I wonder as I read a lot about TT, how are his kids doing? We have obviously seen the oldest fly off the handle on Twitter in defense of his father, but I imagine the younger two have to be extremely grief-stricken.
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I do not listen to Fighting For The Faith anymore, however, Chris Roseborough used to defend Tullian quite heavily…curious…with all the recent documentation, has Chris done anything? to discuss Tullian’s behavior? Considering how Chris does so for most other Evangelical leaders. And a side note, I had always liked Fighting For The Faith so I am not casting stones, but just curious for those in the know, whether Tullian has been exposed further by Chris and his gathering crowd.
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I have not heard anything about it if he has.
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Chris is trying to say he had no idea any of this was happening. Clearly he had his blindfold on. People back in September 2015 tried to suggest that he was letting his friendship cloud his judgement and he said “Have you ever thought that somebody who knows a lot more of the information surrounding a situation due to a friendship might actually have a better informed opinion that (sic) someone who does not know all the facts?”
He wrote an article here (get it fast before he deletes it) in which he stressed his inside scoop, in June 2015 on his pirate christian dot com site entitled “My perspective on Tullian’s sin”
On his wall now he is saying he hasn’t talked to TT since April. And I think he said that before that it was sporadic. So I guess the inside info is not so much there, as he claimed.
Even so, no matter how you slice it, he is admitting to having been deceived by someone he considered a friend. How is that discernment working out for you Chris? The rest of us knew fake repentance when we saw it.
Chris posted a message by Phil Johnson called “how to identify true repentance” when Mark Driscoll issued all kinds of fake apologies, and he for whatever reason detected that Driscoll’s repentance was fake. I guess it was easier because they weren’t buddies?
(I couldn’t include the URL’s in here because it would not allow the comment. Nate – if you want to look them up and include them feel free)
Maybe Chris should listen to it again.
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Yes, Chris has publicly stated he is done with Tullian. He commented on the Spiritual Sounding Board comments threads to that effect. I have not seen anything official either on his blog or his Twitter feed, but I haven’t checked since early this afternoon.
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I realize he said he is done with Tullian, but he is also claiming despite all the obvious signs, that he had no idea Tullian was not telling the truth. He also took the opportunity to continue to trash the people who were NOT deceived by Tullian. So I would advise you not to cut him too much slack. He and his buddies who promoted the narcissist are part of the problem.
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Totally agree. I know some of those former supporters I have talked to who are genuinely repentant. I have never directly engaged Chris to my knowledge (though I engage a lot of people, so my memory could betray me here). But, Chris and I fall on the opposite side of a lot of things, so I don’t expect compliments from him anyway.
Others have divested from Tullian while still taking backhanded swipes at me, comes with the territory.
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We need to talk
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Nate, I greatly appreciate you exposing the lies about Tullian. It’s been a hard truth for me to accept. The messages he preached at Coral Ridge greatly impacted me. What’s ironic is as a result of hearing Tullian’s messages, God called me out of an abusive relationship with my former pastor. Tullian preached the Gospel so well that I yearned for freedom from the sin I’d been entangled in with my former pastor, and I actually confessed to my own elders. That didn’t go so well. They didn’t see it as abuse and as a result they exposed me and the pastor to the whole church and our family had to leave town because I felt so ashamed. I still cling to the truth of what Tullian taught. I am convinced that God spoke through him despite his manipulation, however it’s been so confusing to me seeing especially in your blog that Tullian behaved with Lisa the same way my former pastor did with me. The church needs to understand what spiritual abuse is. There have been way too many innocent victims. The worst thing about it is how it isolates a victim from others because they don’t understand, and how it rips into our source of hope. The shame I’ve experienced as a result of this abuse has weighed heavy on me for the past two years. I’ve been in counseling every week since then, and my counselor says I still have a long way to go in healing.If there’s anyway to prevent this from happening, it needs to be done. The bloody mess spiritual abuse leaves behind is one of the most horrific things I’ve ever experienced.
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I’m sorry for what you have been out through.
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liztienna: Google: ripoffreport.com (search box type in John Paul Jackson) on Tammy’s first lament, complaint is a list to report church abuse to if that helps*. Tell your story to J. Lee Grady who wrote “10 Lies the Church Tells Women” (based on former cult) and or William Lobdell who wrote “Losing my Religion” (anonymously if need because it’s horrific to come out of such and for me it was for my very life, so understand). Maybe contact: David Johnson/Jeff VanVonderan of “Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse”, Maybe bring people together that have similar stories and do a book and name the perpetrator’s/abuser’s and expose to Christianity Today and Charisma. Contact Austin Miles of “Don’t Call Me Brother” maybe he’ll write another book of true stories of Pastoral/Church abuse in letters in response to this book in “Setting the Captives Free”.
Look at Merry Bloch Jones titles of her books, where she took people’s stories and created wonderful books for us to read.
*Church Abuse List (some of the pastor’s in the list are part of the problem but they need to know what’s going on in the church and I name them in articles); I’M SO DONE WITH ABUSE IN THE CHURCH regarding evil wolves, hirelings, false shepherds, snake oil salesmen. David Wilkerson used to take care of things when he was alive; be what he wrote in “Troublemakers in the Church” 1988/redone 6/2007=pdf file. Create a Blog like this for other survivors to tell their stories, it’s very healing. Read Comments of the following: We are all God’s children no matter what age: https://spiritualsoundingboard.com/2014/11/05/why-dont-young-people-go-to-church/. The most evil person ever met to date was a narcissistic, self-serving, very unhealed pastor that was consumed with self would have considered him extremely schizophrenic not to think of what he was doing to congregation because it was a business to him and NOT about people (had a woman leave the church and kill herself; so much was hidden). Einstein’s definition of evil was “void and without God” and so many of these evil men who are Pastor’s have the hitler/napoleon complex and we as people are NOT researching their backgrounds, foundations and their motives and agenda which is covered well in John Paul Jackson’s “Jezebel Spirit” CD/tape teaching (not his book) excellent listen. Collect books/resources on Church Abuse.
Thanks Nate for doing this site!
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Thank you for all of these great resources and your understanding. I appreciate your time in sharing them with me and I will check them out. God bless.
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SO MANY similarities with the situation I went through. It makes me sick. And angry. 😡
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Thank you, Nate, for faithfully exposing Tullian on your blog. And thank you, Lisa, for speaking up about your experiences with him. It all rings so eerily and nauseatingly true to his character. He’s still at it. No change. If Tullian had ever once truly met with God in the past 18 months, my husband and family would be some of the many to have received a sincere and public confession and apology. Instead I read his ongoing verbal diarrhea and fake suicide attempts, and his lies about me in text format in this post.
I was Tullian’s affair partner in May 2015 – the one he texted Lisa about in the screenshot here. I have not come forward to tell my story publicly. Tullian befriended my husband, stole over $12,000 of our money and counseled him to divorce me before we separated. I have not had “three previous affairs”. I had one years before. Tullian knew this. He also knew/ suspected that my husband was having an affair. He knew how vulnerable I was. I do not consider myself a victim as much as a survivor of pastoral sexual abuse. I am a sinner. I have truly repented and know and love the Lord more now than I ever did. I have never been “out for a fight” despite having been reached out to by lawyers assuring me Tullian should be brought to justice. I have two beautiful young children (both whom Tullian baptized) and I have everything to live for. This man’s words are from the pit of hell! He will say ANYTHING to anyone…he is incapable of sincerity. All who trust this man are utterly gulled.
My family was truly taken advantage, lied to and abused by Tullian. We didn’t know him very well, but felt sorry for him and tried to help him as he played the victim after finding out about the affair. I saw from the inside what happened at Coral Ridge and who Tullian used and how he manipulated, trying to secure a large financial settlement for himself from the church while simultaneously pursuing a relationship with me, love-bombing me with promises of marriage and other such nonsense. There is much that I know he would hate to become public. So he made sure he assassinated my character locally and to all who might care. I was completely cut off, isolated and had no one to help me. The church was reeling. Former church “friends” feared for their jobs or believed the lies about me. Some followed and pandered after him but cut me off. He had sufficiently caused enough distrust and fear of opening up, that I alienated myself from even pursuing appropriate help.
Like Lisa, Tullian knew my story and had scoped me out at church and online before making his calculated, patient and very deliberate approach. This approach started a few weeks PRIOR to the well known events of spring of 2015. The double entendres, the songs, the lies….subtle befriending by a man I was not physically attracted to though believed to be charming, a relaxed extrovert, and very sincere. I always chose to doubt myself over behavior I would not have trusted so easily had he not been my pastor. Tullian counseled me continually during our brief relationship. He played with my mind. I was extremely vulnerable at the time. When I stepped away, asking for space, he pursued heavily. He used theology, the gospel, anything he could. He lied outrageously to me about many things. I saw him reaching out to multiple women, mostly online…he had hierarchies and compared us to each other, trying to provoke jealousy. He made comments about previous relationships, mentioning names but fabricating and embellishing details. He commented on how easy it was for a man to take advantage of young mothers in the church. I had the opportunity to meet with his affair partner from the year before me. I remembered her name from his conversation, though she was hardly the “blazing red-headed master theologian” he had claimed her to be. He played us in the same way…we had very similar stories. We knew we weren’t his first rodeo.
When people on blogs blame the abused, highlighting the sin of adultery, they do damage they don’t realize. They don’t understand what it is to be preened and how much self-blame the victim is already drowning in. I have been seeing a phycologist for the past year. Many of his victims I know well still have very raw wounds and ongoing issues. When people shout about grace for the abuser, they dont know how foolish they are. Tullian had an outpouring of love and support at every turn, regardless of his antics. I get it. I was his “Adrian” (he was Rocky by the way)….he “needed a woman who would stand by him regardless”…sounds so weak and utterly pathetic. I was, for a season. If you haven’t been there, you really cannot comprehend what the darkness of sociopathic manipulation is like. I’m very thankful for “the Sheep Lady” ….she has helped me immensely.
Suffice to say that the Lord creates the ravager to destroy and puts a limit none can pass. I am thankful for His deliverance, and dealings with me and for His care and beauty demonstrated to me so intimately. He is the friend who sticks closer than a brother. He is there when the rest of the world walks out. He is humble and beautiful and His gospel is TRUE..for all who come to Him IN TRUTH He will in no way cast out. But He is to be feared, and those who hurt his flock will not escape His judgment. From personal experience, I can attest that it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Living God. His chastening for me was profoundly painful. I’m no man’s judge, though it takes only an ounce of biblical discernment to assess that Tullian was, and remains to this day, a wolf in the body of Christ.
Tullian will continue making a fool of himself and garnering an audience doing so until God says enough. I pray He will come to a place of self-understanding and genuine repentance this side of eternity. Until then, please don’t lend him money or give him your cell number.
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Thank you for your courage in speaking up. Your voice is so important here, and Tullian’s lies were so insanely transparent.
In am sorry for the abuses you suffered, and for the ways you were further abuses by Tullian’s lies.
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Thank you for sharing your story. I would be quick to forgive this man if I thought he actually repented. Good luck to his new wife. Maybe she’ll enjoy sharing him. Disgusting.
I grew up at CRPC. I was so conflicted over voting for Tullian or not. Ultimately, I did vote for him. Then his trickery was becoming clear and the congregation had doubts. You should have heard how the MODERATOR at the congregational meeting wouldn’t let anyone say comments that were “negative” about Tullian. You couldn’t even say “he raised his voice at so-in-so.” The mod would say “warning, you can’t say that” and the person would ask “how else am I supposed to describe Tullian yelling at the choir” mod: “strike two! Please discontinue your use of negative language” I’m not joking.
Anyway, I didn’t worship Dr Kennedy and I was fully aware the church (as all churches) was full of sinners saved by grace, but that meeting made me finally realize the situation was hopeless there. Fast forward to the news of his “sins” and I wasn’t surprised at all.
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There is another thing I recognize. I have so been there, with the lying and the love bombing…I feel for you. Thank you for sharing.
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the thing TT should worry about is some enraged husband/victim taking him out.
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I find the descriptions of his patterns of behaviour – and how he responded to push-backs – really insightful and helpful. Thank you both for sharing this.
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As one of his blind defenders, I want to apologize to those I am sure that I offended in my quest to protect him and be the friend he needed. Sadly, I didn’t yet know the whole story. I do hope that Tullian will listen to his own sermons. The ones that tell us that although we are forgiven vertically, we owe it to those we have hurt to seek forgiveness. We cannot just move on and leave people in our wake.
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Thank you for your honesty. He fooled a lot of people. He is a master manipulator.
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Why are Chandler and Sproul mentioned?
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Click the hyperlinks. Each post has strong descriptions.
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Thank you for this great explanation of clergy abuse, Nate. As a survivor of clergy sexual abuse, my question for the church is, “If money was stolen by a leader, would you keep that person in that position and reinstate him a few months or even years down the road?” I don’t believe any church would allow a person to continue caring for their funds if they were stolen. Innocence stolen is infinitely more damaging than funds taken. Caring more about money than members’ souls is frightening and causes the church to lose its effectiveness as well as create an unsafe environment. And it demeans and nullifies the victim’s pain.
Also, church leaders who knowingly reinstate abusive leaders are just as responsible when they abuse again. With knowledge comes great responsibility. TT is a typical predator that we hear about repeatedly from other survivors. There is never only one victim.
Thank you for sharing this truth and I pray for his victims.
Mary Jo Noworyta, Victim Support Coordinator
The Hope of Survivors
thehopeofsurvivors.com
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Thank you for this great explanation of clergy abuse, Nate. As a survivor of clergy sexual abuse, my question for the church is, “If money was stolen by a leader, would you keep that person in that position and reinstate him a few months or even years down the road?” I don’t believe any church would allow a person to continue caring for their funds if they were stolen. Innocence stolen is infinitely more damaging than funds taken. Caring more about money than members’ souls is frightening and causes the church to lose its effectiveness as well as create an unsafe environment. And it demeans and nullifies the victim’s pain.
Also, church leaders who knowingly reinstate abusive leaders are just as responsible when they abuse again. With knowledge comes great responsibility. TT is a typical predator that we hear about repeatedly from other survivors. There is never only one victim.
Thank you for sharing this truth and I pray for his victims.
Mary Jo Noworyta, Victim Support Coordinator
The Hope of Survivors
thehopeofsurvivors.com
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Wow. This guy is a monster. Does he still have defenders?
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Yes. Many.
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“He even warned Lisa to be careful who she interacted with because Kim had people who spied on him for her.”
Whoa. There really is a playbook for cheaters.
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This really cracks me up because he kept touting how he was not going to hide from anyone least of all the public.
That his wife should want to know what is going on in his life, imagine that! lol He is one sick freak.
She tweeted the day before he married “staci” that “tomorrow will be hard… But God” — and yet TT has all along been saying they cannot reconcile. (because in 8 weeks after his first visible ‘fall’ she wasn’t begging to take him back? I don’t know!). It’s so demented. As far as we know she has never had an affair either, all we have his his accusation. I noticed that last year, and that the person who has been behaving the classiest in all this (at least publicly) has been Kim.
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A key sentence from Lisa is that she had never had a pastor care personally about her. This is the factor these narcissist abusers instinctively know about victims. Having been in evangelical radio for a quarter century, I have seen this in church settings small and large. The profile of victims is usually the same. What angers me most is that this predator was not spotted for what he was before he created a new list of victims. Churches who run after “hotties” and cool pastor guys are the disgusting enablers of these devils. And that is exactly what they are. Devils who scatter the sheep of Christ’s flock and leave bleeding victims behind. God help the vulnerable. Pastors in this dark age are unlikely to.
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There must be a predator pastor playbook, because my ex-pastor said and did some of the EXACT same things as Tullian did to Lisa. It is uncanny….almost like reading my own story. Like her, I escaped before it crossed the line, but much damage was already done. This man MUST be stopped. He is dangerous. Someone would have to be a fool to know even a tiny bit of the story and still support him. I hope this exposes him for good. Keep up the good work!!
P.S. There is a ministry for women who have been abused by clergy – The Hope of Survivors. I received much support from them after I realized I had been abused. I highly recommend this ministry.
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Anna, I’m so sorry you suffered this abuse. Thank you for sharing, and for pointing to HOS.
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I too am sorry you were abused by your so-called “Pastor.” Our enemy has invaded the flock and sadly the apostle Paul predicted this would happen already in the book of Acts.
By the way, Tullian’s own brother Boz/Basyle runs a similar group supporting those who have been abused by clergy – Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment. They are so good at what they do. They totally understand. He and his brother Emmanuel are on the board. I often wondered how their relationship was as a result. I guess I need wonder no more.
I had written to Boz a while ago long before this came out, asking how his brother’s sermons can possibly guard the flock against abuse, since they seem to make light of sin and tell us when we are sinned against or abused, our main problem is our own sin. Really? Yes I understand that even abuse victims have sin that needs dealing with, but this is just such a dangerous answer. His brief response told me that he noticed the problem too.
TT has repeatedly preached about how the people that influenced him the most were (my paraphrase) people who let him get away with everything. When he was out conning people by playing fixed pool games, and generally doing all kinds of bad stuff (he suggests even illegal stuff) some godly friend of the family tried to tell him he needed to stop and get his act together. The derision in his voice toward this person STILL some 20 years later was shocking. But he talks fondly of his dad who knew he was forging checks from his dad’s checkbook, and let him continue to do so. Those are the kinds of people that he values, apparently. People he can use with impunity. Those are the people he can “run to.”
He joked publicly about the out of wedlock conception of his grandson several times, including to a bunch of seminarians at Concordia St Louis in the middle of all this chaos just before his own affair came out (so, April 2015, – from the timing of this it sounds like it would have been after his wife’s affair – according to his later accusation). He said that the kid’s nickname would be “paybacks” (because this is how Gabe was conceived). And the seminarians chuckled. Horrifying.
In that message he calls out favorably Daniel Price, his buddy, who is guilty of the same kind of thing. Price also appeared on a panel at Liberate 2015, with Chris Rosebrough and Rod Rosenbladt. Rosebrough was aware of all Price’s failings at the time but still appeared with him. I don’t know about Rosenbladt, i would hope he has more sense than that. But Rosebrough has proven to be willing to brush a ridiculous amount of sin under the rug if the sinner is someone he finds to be awesome and cool. If they are ‘pharisees’ like me he makes all manner of false accusation (his favorite is “bearing false witness” i.e. “breaking the 8th commandment”). But the condemnation from these former promoters toward their buddies who have preyed on the flock is pretty mild. At the same time they spend all their career online exposing other predators of the flock who apparently aren’t in their circle. Frankly it ought to be the other way around. They continually promote people outside of their circle who they find influential and who may agree on some doctrinal issues. But once that person proves to be a disaster, they clam up and claim they have no jurisdiction to say or do anything. And they must just hope people forget that they were dreadfully wrong about that person. Especially when people like me had been trying to warn them for several years that something was “off” in their teaching.
And then there is Mockingbird, and Christ Hold Fast (Daniel Price is involved in that, along with another pastoral adulterer Chad Bird). They all kind of cross pollenate and use each other for networking purposes. But as I said, once one of them proves to be a cancer they just like to pretend it never happened. Very little if any public warning is given to mark and avoid the one they promoted. It’s all hushed up and made to go away.
Boz and their sister Jerushah had said a few negative things on twitter in response to Paul Tripp’s terribly irresponsible article suggesting that TT’s divorce was something that just “had to be” but didn’t seem to put any blame on Tullian himself. One tweet in particular that I remember from Boz was that there is FAR more going on behind the scenes than Paul seems to know about and both Boz and Jerushah seemed to say they were quite disappointed in his article. I believe the article has since disappeared. Possibly the tweets did too. I am just so sick of this twisted dysfunctional soap opera (boz & jerushah excepted) that I don’t feel like going to look it all up again.
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Mr Tripp’s article of August 26, 2015, about Tullian Tchividjian’s marriage being “irreparably broken,” is archived on the Wayback Machine. Because it mentions the six-month period of working on issues, it is very relevant to the time frame of Nate’s article. Here is a quote from Mr Tripp’s statement:
“From the point of Tullian’s confession and repentance, he has been committed to dealing with the issues of his heart and to restoring his marriage. Much grace, counsel, thought, prayer and action has been invested over a six month period of time with the hope of healing the marriage, but sadly, there are times when the trust is so deeply broken and patterns so set in place that it seems best to recognize that brokenness, cry out for God’s grace, mourn, commit to forgiveness, rest in the truths of the gospel and with a grieved heart, move on.”
https://web.archive.org/web/20150828235714/http://www.paultripp.com/articles/posts/tullian-tchividjian-divorce
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Unfortunately 6 months is not accurate, Tullian filed for divorce after about 8 or 9 weeks after all this came out, right about when he was defrocked. He couldn’t have even begun to work on it by that point. It sounds to me as if this ‘grace’ oriented “pastor” T was giving no grace to the ones they offended, and demanded they jump right back into the relationship as if nothing has happened. When they wouldn’t or didn’t trust the quality of his repentance, then I guess divorce was his only answer.
Considering he was fooling around with and grooming so many other women at the time who wouldn’t want to accept his ‘quality’ repentance act, I mean really! /sarcasm. A man can convince himself she doesn’t know for sure about those other women and so she should have no reason to disbelieve his repentance (and hence he will call her a legalist for her distrust), but she still knows when the repentance is not genuine. You can slap makeup on over the festering wounds but the smell is unmistakable. The one who is infected has become nose blind to his own putrescence.
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Terriergal-
I’m glad you are able to connect all these dots with all these different people, particularly those associated (even loosely) with the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod. Their deeds need to be exposed for the sake of the faithful, and they should be marked and avoided.
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Thank you pastor. Unfortunately they mostly cry “guilt by association” as a way to discredit me for exposing their promiscuous sharing of theological germs.
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terrigal, great comment. I was a member of CRPC briefly in the early 80s but was not an attender during TT’s tenure (I did visit his New City church a few times, but couldn’t take his strident preaching voice) but from time to time would catch his CRPC radio program while driving. I heard that same sermon, where he clearly still resented and spoke disdainfully, even hatefully about the Godly family friend who exhorted him to repent…then praising the people enabled his continued sin. I thought to myself at the time, this man has not repented of that old life, he has no humility and I really wondered about his spiritual condition. I was not surprised by any of what came out, nor what has happened since he was exposed. I’m glad he was defrocked. I doubt he is actually regenerate, but rather, is an unsaved man. When he says, Lord, Lord, didn’t I preach in your name, didn’t I write books…you know the rest of the story. The CRPC elders who knew of his affairs years before but hid them, should be barred from holding church office and publically censured as scripture requires. They are the ones who need church discipline!
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My heart is grieved for Lisa and for all the others being shamefully used by this man and others in the “ministry” who are just like him. Thank you, Lisa, for pulling back the curtain to reveal the truth. It took a lot of courage. Betrayal of trust is so hard to get over. I pray God will comfort and encourage you and give you wisdom as he guides you through.
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His son Gabriel recently went after several of us on twitter too, it was so bizarre. I pray he isn’t shaping up to be like his dad. 😦
Thank you for sharing this. Just from the public behavior of himself and his defenders I mostly already had this idea of what he was like. Really sad.
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“Lisa”, thank you!!!!!!! Love Rachel
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Lisa,
You are a brave woman. Thank you for speaking up.
Remember: trusting is what healthy people do. Abusing trust is what sick, evil people do. Whatever shame you feel is Tullian’s to carry, not yours. I pray you heal quickly and that this unpleasant experience is soon far behind you.
Sending love & strength.
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Wow. Getting rid of any books I may have by him. Not kidding. That is awful.
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Actually, I feel I was wrong to judge Mr. Tchividjian so quickly even if he is as bad as people say. Honestly, I have no idea and he hasn’t impacted my life except as a writer I used to read a devotional by from time to time and had a couple books gathering dust on my bookshelf and now as one fallen from grace. Today, I was listening to The Liberation Project (podcast hosted by Justin Stumvoll and Blair Reynolds) and author Wm Paul Young (The Shack, Eve) shared his testimony of almost ruining his marriage and childhood sexual abuse. Mr. Tchividjian may have been abused as a child and that could’ve influenced the predatory nature, not that it makes it right. So I pray for God’s grace on Him (Romans 2:4) to lead him into true repentance and for restoration of his marriage if possible. Have mercy, Lord.
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Thank you so much for pulling the curtain back on TT’s manipulations. His actions must be compared to his words so the world can see the truth. I honestly fear for his soul.
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Awesome post, Nate.
Thank you, Lisa, for your honesty in telling your story. I am sure it was hard. I know it will help others who have been hurt by Tullian and others like him. You are a brave woman!
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